|
|
owning a business is sort of like having a full time infant who sometimes is a full time teenager.
it’s amazing and wonderful and exhausting and oh my so, so frustrating.
over the last two years i have been deeply exploring my business, what i want to create and give to the world.
it’s a scary thing. because most times what you really want to do and create is not what you are actually doing. that’s a bit too vulnerable so most of us have to evolve into actually doing what we want to be doing.
it’s also scary because this right here and now is what i do. and i know how to do it. and it mostly makes me happy. but i have never wanted to grow it anymore that it is that. but i can’t live on that there is a mortgage and i like to eat and, and, and.
so this last rally as i have talked about repeatedly i spent the entire 3 days following. what did i want right now? what did i want to work on? where was i led to sit and snuggle in.
upon returning things have shifted dramatically.
so dramatically i can’t even begin to explore all of it here and i keep watching huge patches fall to the ground.
but here is a brief glimpse.
i retired my old money. i had this old concept of money that was all based on push and pull, give and take. at the rally i actually made a contract with old money that was really “if you don’t do this we are withholding money from ever reaching you” ick! the stress that caused me was incredible. but i didn’t even know it until it suddenly became clear it was time for it to retire.
you will be happy to know old money now gives orders (to the monsters) from a hammock that in this picture with Chaos (my cat and partner in crime) looks like a smiley face. yes her name is Chaos and really she’s quiet mellow although sometimes super shifty and sneaky. her sister Cosmos helps Eric write film scores in the basement.
i put up a learn tarot ecourse i have been writing, refining and planning for the past 5 years but wasn’t sure how to do, never felt it was “right” and all the other odds and ends. turned out what it needed was levels. ways for people to play at their own interest level. seriously easy fix when i just allowed it to lead me to the answer.
but what i learned most was i was super happy seeing 4-8 people a week for reflexology, and that was it. i didn’t want more. so no wonder my business never grew.
and i spent some time in that scary place of what do i want? why am i here (funny i typed hear first)?
what i really want to do is introduce people to beauty and ease and the faeries.
i talk to freaking faeries all the bloody time. not everyone can or does that. that’s kind of, possibly, very very important.
and so then half of the time at rally was spent in the creation of a thing Havi made a joke about in our very first meeting almost exactly 2 years ago. at camp biggification. not knowing or really understanding why i was sitting in a room full of strangers in portland i blurted out that i was a faery doctor. and Havi jumped on that and said i really want to see you make a product called faery CPR. and so i wrote it down, and i played with it, and i danced around it but for 2 years it would not talk to me.
i was so centered on ‘i have to make money to pay the rent and i have to biggify and i have to expand,’ that i never took time or space to really listen. i knew a way to make money so i stuck with it. it felt safer. i mean faery CPR?!?!
but those faeries are persistent so i am happy to announce! coming in June betwixt and between will come into the world-it will be a weekly email thinger. and later in the summer faery CPR will finally get out of my head and heart and show all of you it’s magicalness-it is still taking it’s form so let’s not poke it.
annnnd, in the apprentice level of learning tarot you are going to get some of the faery wisdom down loaded at rally. tarot+faeries=crazy
this is one of the scariest and most exciting times i have ever consciously lived through. last week i made $25, and i did not completely loose my shit, because i was spending every hour i wasn’t working on creating and following these amazing and beautiful discoveries. and i know they will support me because i love them as much as they love me and how can money not be attracted to all this love.
oh and i almost forgot to introduce you to the new money. it’s a tiny hedgehog and it lives in a bathtub filled with pillows and blankets in the faery house that is going to be built with the money made by sharing tarot and betwixt and between and faery CPR with the world.
 see the cuteness factor. people will squee and ahhh and totally want to throw money at me to build the imaginary hedgehog of epic cuteness a faery house to live in with an entire bathtub full of pillows so that you can come nap in with him. because as soon as it is built you are 100% invited to come play and take classes and visit and snuggle with the hedgehog.
oh and Havi says there space in the June rally! so if you want your own epiphanies or hedgehog you might want to go there and see what happens.
my dear friend Andrea, who runs the creative magic academy (isn’t that the most awesome ever) a few months ago discovered she had an inner compass.
and i loved it! go see hers here
and i immediately wanted one! but not hers because hers is made for her, i needed to listen to my own inner self and create the points on my compass so they were unique to me and my processing.
so i meditated on what i have learned tends to work be when i am stuck and down in the dumps. i made a list. and i tucked it away in the book of me so maybe i can find it over and over and never be stuck for long again.
but that’s how the compass works. see you can divide up your paper however you desire. and then you put in all the things you listed and when things are sticky you take it out and either squint your eyes and whatever pops out you do or you spin your finger around over the paper and where it land you do. oh! you could also make it on stiff paper and attach a spinny thinger like from an old game!
its so pretty
i need to hang it on my wall so it is easy to access and i don’t have to go looking for it when i am stuck.
i love my compass. it really does always stear me back in the right direction.
shh! tarot really isn’t about tarot cards at all. 
it’s a proxy! and while Havi says it best, a proxy is the thing you tell people but what is actually happening is a secret mission. a proxy helps make movement forward waaaaay less scary.
so when i went to rally! my proxy was to learn to tango dance, but what was really happening was me learning how to follow my business instead of awkwardly stumbling around (the dance floor) not knowing anything, like the next step.
and when someone asks you what you do you tell them your job title, but really you are explorer of your passions (the job just pays the way). <really though lots of people are kinda asking what’s under the proxy so someday you might want to tell someone your secret mission.>
proxies help make things… acceptable. or safe. or fit into society. they also give someone something to hang their hat on and give bits of conversation pieces. again mainly they make things fun and less scary.
so when i say tarot is a proxy, what i mean is two things:
a tarot reading can be a proxy for ‘i need to hear my soul, i have lost my inner voice, or i can’t see the path.’
learning tarot cards can be a proxy for ‘ i am claiming my voice, i am re-discovering my love of story and symbol, or i am collecting tools for my journey.’
so if you want to dive in and explore, i have tools, and much more to say on all of this in the coming weeks.
get a tarot reading delivered to your inbox
learn the tarot
your soul is trying to communicate with you…all the time.
seriously. all the time.
those bits of pieces you overhear in the conversation during you morning commute, that song that seems to be on-every time you turn on or change the radio station, that color that keeps catching your eye.
those are all clues.
problem is we miss 95% of the clues the universe is sending us because
a) we don’t recognize they are clues
b) we don’t recognize they are clues for us
c) we’ve lost our stride, and our hope, and all we see are the yucky clues (next to the real clues) that re-enforce our sadness and lack.
what if there was a way that clues could just show up in your inbox every month? 
you wouldn’t have to seek them out and they could (hopefully) help you get back on track, living more abundantly and in harmony with the universe so you can start seeing 35% or more of the clues it is throwing at you daily.
tiny tarot readings to your inbox becomes a worthwhile investmet of awesome self care and miracle manifestation.
totally justified, well spent use of $17.
having more miracles show up is easy, receiving and recognizing them is the hard part. tarot can help you be more open, direct your attention towards things to look for and gives you pretty pictures to focus on while you are making tiny changes toward a bigger, better life.
clue recognition and pattern interrupters at $17 a month. YAY!
plus it just shows up in your inbox every month without having to do anything but push a button-once.
you can unsubscribe at anytime, no pressure to keep it going. when you are done you just go into your paypal account and cancel.
more about tarot here
my beginning in tarot here
more about tarot in your inbox here
more about email readings here
push this button to subscribe!
super secret message!
have you ever wanted to learn tarot? well i am hosting a secret sale over here
enter the code 5fortarot when you sign up for one of the levels of learning and keep $5 for the mocha to help you study.
the back pages are still being built but soon there will be a whole secret university of tarot magics
weeeee! rally! the place where stuff happens that you could never have expected and where everything gets done unexpectedly, even if you slept the whole time.
on the very last day, after a crazy filled shiva nata class (there was singing of sea shanties and the sexy robot dance) we skipped some stones-which is Havi speak for asking your very smart brain questions when it is waaaaaay too confused to think, thereby jumping over logical thought and into magical thought. (actually stone skipping is way more complicated and simple than that you should go read more on her site)
the last question asked was-where is the treasure?
and my immediate response was it is locked in a metal box inside my brain. in fact, it is located in the amygdala because my name is amy! g! so therefore my really smart self would hide treasures in the amygdala.
just so you know everyone who is human has an amygdala (unless a zombie ate yours). you don’t have to be named amy g to have one… it just makes it better if you are.
so the amygdala processes your emotional responses to things. which is cool, and useful and sometimes completely frustrating. because yay! it is useful to know that situations where you this happens=this emotional response-it is also useful to know that the more you do it the less upsetting it becomes as with repetition we learn this event does not = death, so maybe we don’t have to freak out as much this time. but it sucks to retrain your amy! g! dala because like me she is stubborn and dead set on keeping you safe from yucky experiences.
but like always i digress into randomness… back to the story!
in my amy! g! dala lives a box. with a treasure in it. i’m not sure what the treasure is yet because i only just drew the map to get to the treasure.
isn’t my brain pretty.
and full of tasks and diversions and side trips.
notice how there is a short cut.
but even though i know there is a short cut, do you think my brain is really going to let me skip all those diversions and distractions and reach out and grab it?
let’s cross our fingers and maybe it can be so.
because it’s be super nice and crazy awesome to arrive at the treasure without having to wander through the maze first, not that i mind the process but…
just this once, pretty please.
i’ll keep you informed as to what’s in the treasure box when i get to it!
i hate it when green muppets are right. 
and they seem to be right an awful lot.
so from this day forward i plan to take the advice of all green muppets seriously. i shall write it down and everything. i think i need a green notebook where i collect profound thoughts of green muppets.
this could lead to some amazing and outrageously comical adventures.
because i’m one of those crazy type people who thinks everything talks to her. that wrapper on the ground says “Power”, the books whisper secrets and tell me which one to take home, the flowers direct me to add more compost and please clear around my leaves so i may dance in the wind.
the only thing i don’t think that talks to me is my car.
maybe that’s why i like driving so much, it is one of the only places that is silent. but it may also be why i am slightly distrustful that it’s just going to break down on me. but hey my car is green… maybe it needs a muppet to act as an interpreter. (omg! i can’t believe this is happening here.)
anyway this whole post came about because my twitter stream has a whole thing about yoda and his “do or do not, there is no try” quote today. i saw it once and said “yay! yoda-ism!
but when it kept repeating, i softly whisper ‘fuck’
all right already! i spent a whole week working with the quality of surrender and this! this is where the mirror gets held up to my life and i see all the places i refuse to follow, let alone surrender.
yep. i do see that really, i’m not trying so hard, and the do part is well just sort of dog doo-ish.
and i see that i am completely whiny like luke skywalker.
and i see that if i just would focus my energy and calm myself down i could lift my sinking ship onto dry land.
fine yoda i’ll stop trying (aka whining) and just do it.
and kermit, you can just shut up because i know you are going to say something profound and i just can’t hear you today with yoda-ism nattering away in my brain. come back tomorrow.
i would just like to re-enforce that once you make the decision to crack open it all happens extremely slowly and horrendously fast. your brain and your body are completely capable of limiting the amount of information that comes in so you don’t have to take action, or see the whole path at once. that could be alarming and overwhelming. so you chip, chip, chip and it seems to take FOREVER and then one day everything shatters and… well you see the messages (from green muppets and tango videos), you feel the same but different, nothing has changed but everything is different.
everything is different and nothing has changed. this is important.
you do not wake up and suddenly have everything you have been working for. you have pieces. from that shell you cracked open, that you can now exchange for things like: safety, compassion, abundance, money, time, energy, trust, love, strength, permission.
trust the green muppets. they know shit.
and use the force. because it is there, so why not use it.
rally was amazing! 
and DEEEEEEEP! oh my! so much unwinding and learning and holy cow moments. also nothing that i planned to get done got touched. at all. which is perfectly fine because this re-arrangement of brain space was super important.
but like my last entry states one of the best parts about rally! and Havi! are their ability to help you enter and exit all situations in life with more consciousness and grace.
and i practiced all week, and sometimes would actually go back outside and re-enter because i felt all ookie.
but leaving rally was a disaster, so i am declaring a do-over!
and pulling out the stressed amy! that jumped up and ran out like a chicken with her head cut off out and re-doing the whole thing in my brain.
because i cannot do it in real life.
so i hummed away rio all morning and made space for the me that was freaked out by traffic and travel feel safe and sent love and energy and hugs and kisses to all my new rally friends whom i did not get to hug in real life. (but secretly i believe that is because we are all supposed to meet again and hug hello)
i did catch myself as i was exiting the building and entered the taxi with awareness, and the train with thoughts of water side (which i got plus a second seat to myself) and the rest of the journey happened with ease. 
today, i entered the day with tiredness because re-writing these patterns is tricky and hard and makes you sleepy, but i allowed for the napping and everything got magically clearer and less exhausting.
sometimes it helps to remember that you just spent half of the last 3 days wearing a crown. (eric is confused by how much that picture does not look like me but it is me!)
after all a queen never apologizes when she needs to declare a do-over. she just makes it happen. (she does apologize if things disrupted others–so sorry for my crazed exit and please throw it to the elevator shaft)
do over powers of exiting activate! in my head i see my phone alerting me that my taxi is here and instead of freaking out that my phone is making noise and it’s the taxi, i calmly answer and tell them ‘i shall down in just be a moment.’ then i stand and hum the exit song and blow kisses and dance my way out.
really we very rarely get things right, only movies do. but we forget that for that one scene in the movie, they spent the whole day trying to get it ‘just right.’
really what this whole post is about is that i entered! i felt the magic! but i messed up on the exit (and that is ok) so i am practicing my awareness of that so maybe next time it is less dramatic and force field disrupting for all.
tomorrow i am heading to one of my most favoritest places in the world! the playground with Havi! yay!
one of the things i adore most about Havi and rally! is the opportunity to practice conscious entry.
how do i want to enter this? isn’t it funny how sometimes we don’t ask that very important question. and Havi sends us beautiful email reminders that give all these different ways you might want to enter. (and exit because every exit is an entrance to the next space after all)
what i adore most is it reminds me to practice this in REAL LIFE because as we all know going on retreats, even if they are business related, are not real life in any way. except they are.
anyways…
today i entered the garden and was distractible, when i realized i didn’t know what i wanted from the day i stopped and re-entered with intention.
because intention is pure and utter magic
and the garden is where all my problems and fantasies play out and intermingle and turn into real life so it’s super important for me to enter with some consciousness.
and now i am entering into the energy of travel and rally! and i’m sorting through the shoulds and the what ifs and leaving them all here because i want to enter this week with openness and possibility and play and connection.
because i am going to meet and interact with amazing people i have mostly only seen on the internets.
and it’s rally! and rally! is the bestest place to practice anything so this week i am practicing entering and exiting and opening and connecting and hearing and accepting.
impatience wears tap shoes so you can hear her waiting. tap tap tippy tap 
she would like you to know she’s not angry, she just needs to be moving. at all times. stillness is not an option.
you can watch her trying to be still. it is a symphony of twitches; hair twirling, gum smacking, skirt smoothing, foot dancing, until suddenly she explodes in a dance of rising and moving and doing something-anything. her whole countenance changes and she relaxes into the movement.
stillness is stress.
even her sleep and dreams are full of action and movement, she dreams of things she hasn’t learned yet like tango and horseback riding and mastering a souffle.
impatience wears stripes with plaids and can’t be bothered to plan or figure out things like outfits, or lunch dates, or meetings. these things are beyond her comprehension, i mean how do you know what you will want to wear for that occasion or where you will want to eat lunch or even if you will want to eat lunch, i mean maybe you had a ridiculously huge breakfast. really it is best to plan things with her for right now or 2 minutes from now.
jobs are trying for her. she easily out preforms most people and looks down in disgust at others lack of mastery or bored attitudes. she has systems for everything and finds ways to make anything go faster, take up less space and time, and function better. it is bewildering to her that she can get 8 hours of work done in 4 so why can’t she get paid the full amount and go do other stuff the rest of the day?
impatience loves to roller skate really, really fast and totally would love to have roller derby be her job. that she could get behind totally-with enthusiasm. they get her inability to stand still and conform and go really fast. her derby name would be “in patient” … she’s taking you down! and sending you to the hospital baby!
she’s not just flying through life, she has a photographic memory and loves seeing different part of the world or her home city. she tends to get snippy if you remember things wrong and try to explain to her how you are right. she does not tolerate this behavior at all and if you insist too loudly or push too hard your toes will get smashed under her tap shoe. she hates the phrase, “no, but really it’s like this…”
impatience is happy to wait for things to arrive and understands that everything has a cycle and a time of rest and needs time to arrive. she will just be dancing, fidgeting or skating her way through the hours until it shows up.
when impatience arrives upon your doorstep it is best to grab your coat and take a walk. she will not easily sit and drink a cup of tea to catch up unless she arrives an hour before bed.
she’s really not as grumpy as she’s cracked up to be. there are so many negative emotions and associations around her. it is best to just put on your running shoes and try to keep up. you will learn a lot in her company and be glad of the time spent actually talking with her instead of trying to make her go away.
life is a blur of adventure with impatience.
yay! it’s spring and spring means things are growing and blooming and changing all over the place.
there’s a ton and a half of stuff taking root here right now, but something great has just bloomed. a subscription based tarot thingy.
tiny tarot readings arriving via the magic of email and internets!
i have been super leery of all things requiring me to learn how to do new things, as time is a crazy thing that seems to disappear a lot. but after talking to others and looking at subscription thingy i have decided that paypal is way smarter than i am and therefor it will take care of managing everything, and i can just reads cards for you.
blah blah blah
here’s the part you want to read! tiny tarot readings in you inbox- just showing up, every month! WOW! it’s like your faery godmother popping into your email and restoring faith and hope and adding a whole bunch of sparkle to your month.
a whole ton of sparkle, i say! erasing all the less than sparkling things that happened last month. bye, bye non-sparkly yuck.
plus once you click the button you don’t even have to worry, magic (paypal) just runs the card of your choice and bam! you get information to help you wade through the things life has piled up on top of you in the last 30 days.
because sometimes life is super busy, or cranky, or mean and you forget to take care of yourself and do nice things like getting a tiny tarot reading to restore your confidence and redirect your energies.
a tiny tarot reading can help everything just by being there.
and hey if it’s not working for you, well you can go into your paypal account and quit anytime. no hard feelings, no strange awkwardness, plus i don’t have to do paperwork or remember to take you off a list.
here’s what Elizabeth has to say about the tiny tarot readings
I’ve gotten two tarot readings from Amy and I am plotting ways to purchase one every month. Not because I need the cards to tell me what to do, but because there is something about the readings that help me trust myself and my own process more – and remind me of things like possibility and magic and rest and play and unexpected allies. I keep the readings in my email inbox so I can re-read them whenever I need a reminder.
to subscribe or not to subscribe, that is the question.
this question might be rephrased to say: to thrive or not to thrive, or to have clarity or be stuck in the fog, or better yet to be or not to be… wait that version is taken.
need more convincing… it’s sort of like a horoscope, with pictures and way more relevant and easy to understand and not stupid. not that horoscopes are stupid (i totally read them all the time) it’s just they are stupid and everything is in hindsight and not at all useful to the current situation, it just validates that today sucks not why or what i can do about it. whereas a tiny tarot reading… magic, insight, pictures, information, skill building, etc.
want more info:
read more about tarot readings here
here is more about tarot arriving in your email inbox
and here is a taste of my writing in the 2012 forecast
oh and i forgot to mention that you get a screaming deal by subscribing. a 3 card draw costs $25 but when you subscribe only the first one is $25, then it goes down to $17 a month/reading. so you still have money for 2 lattes to sip while reading your tiny tarot reading. brilliant sparkly magic in your inbox.
click here to get some and paypal will take care of the rest.
|
Schedule an appointment today! Schedule an appointment today! 206-818-3118
|
see the cuteness factor. people will squee and ahhh and totally want to throw money at me to build the imaginary hedgehog of epic cuteness a faery house to live in with an entire bathtub full of pillows so that you can come nap in with him. because as soon as it is built you are 100% invited to come play and take classes and visit and snuggle with the hedgehog.
